Thursday, February 02, 2006

Getting skinny

So I lost approximately 10 pounds/one pants size in the three weeks we were in China, without even trying - just walking for hours every day and eating a non-western diet. I was actually shocked, because I ate way more processed white flour/sugar, peanuts, and oil than I do at home, and hardly any whole grains or fresh veggies - I just ate smaller portions. When I came back and looked appreciatively at the body I hadn't seen since before the Evil Fat Birth Control Pill Saga of 2003-04, I thought to myself: "Self, perhaps it will be possible to keep this bonus 10 pounds from returning." Gee, wouldn't that be nice.

Unfortunately, it was not to be. Living in Colorado in the winter, even in this freakishly mild winter we've had, my body wants to pack on the protective layer. The good news is that I haven't gained any MORE than that bonus China weight. The bad news is that I have 6 months until I have to look super fabulously fantastic for my 10-year high school reunion - and my metabolism has always been such that it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to lose weight in the winter.

I have a desk job, a sit-on-yer-ass-in-front-of-computer-for-eight-hours desk job. Despite my copious amounts of muscle, my walk home for lunch and back to work, and my fidgetyness, there ain't no way I'm burning as many calories as I should be if I want to look Super Fantastic (tm Manolo the Shoe Blogger). And my base level of activity already includes gymratting at least 4 times a week for at least an hour a pop. Solution: eat even less than I do now.

I'm not sure if I'm going to actively starve myself or severely restrict the calories again until perhaps March, because it always seems to backfire in the winter: my energy is sluggish, my motivation is super low, and I don't really lose any weight because it's too damn cold out. I hope that for now I can be satisfied with just maintaining my current weight/size and not gaining any more.

I don't want this to be a weight-loss blog, because I don't actually have all that much weight to lose. But I DO want to be super fantastic for August. Ideally, I'd lose 20 pounds to get back to what I weighed immediately post-college. Realistically, I've put on too much muscle since then, so I don't think I could lose more than 15 without losing my boobs. And really, I think I'll look OK just losing that bonus China 10 again.

The most depressing part is that I now weigh 27 pounds more than I did when I graduated high school. But when I look back at that girl who was somewhat emaciated, had no boobs, and no upper body strength or muscle - I realize that it wasn't healthy for me. But in this culture, it's hard to come to terms with the fact that I'll never be a size 4, EVER.


Monkey McWearingChaps said...

You looked really slim in your China pictures but personally I think you look hot anytime you post pics, even from your so-called pudgy phase.

I know it's crazy because rice blahdeblah but I lose and keep weight off on an Indian diet. My parents claim that our spices have chemical properties but I think that it's probably because it's super high in fiber and the spiciness makes you want to eat less.

Anyway, best of luck to your goals but never underestimate or feel bad about yourself.

EEK! said...

MLE, I know it doesn't really matter what I think in this case, but you're an absolute doll at any size.

MLE said...

Hulk makes Indian food sometimes. It's delicious.

It's so weird - my normal, everyday diet is what MOST people eat when they GO on a diet - whole grain everything, brown rice, fruit, tons of veggies. Hardly any processed white flour or sugar. I do have a little bit of chocolate every day for sanity and I have a small handful of walnut pieces or almonds because that helps my skin stay looking good. But I almost never eat any of the stuff that "they" say to cut when trying to lose weight.