Thursday, February 15, 2007

How to make a Hulk happy: a step-by-step guide

1. Decide that you are going to surprise him by making a really nice dinner, unlike your usual thrown-together, last minute and cop-out dinners on the nights he has class.

2. Consider what might make a nice dinner. Hulk likes steak, but you don't. Also, you have no idea how to cook steak. Remember that there are chicken boobs in the freezer (they were buy one get one free) and think to yourself that you haven't had chicken parmagiana in a while. Mentally check through list of ingredients you need for said recipe, and decide you have everything. Before you leave for work, take chicken boobs out of the freezer and put them in the fridge, since you're a little paranoid about salmonella.

3. Due to an offhand comment by Yank in Texas, decide to also make one of Hulk's favorite desserts, chocolate mousse.

4. Look up a recipe for mousse. Realize you DON'T have everything you need for that, so plan a trip to the store after you get home from work. It will be 12 F and snowing.

5. When you get home, double check your ingredient list for main dish and salad and decide to also buy mushrooms. Remove work clothing. Pet cats. Extract claws of large male cat from your lap when you are done voiding your bladder. Put on appropriate going out in snow and 12F weather clothing.

6. Walk to overpriced market that is closer to your house, since you only need 3 things. Buy mushrooms, heavy whipping cream, and fancy chocolate chips.

7. On your way home, pass an upscale, overpriced restaurant and weave your way through the crowd of couples that has developed on the sidewalk, waiting for the restaurant to open. Silently give thanks that your going out plans are for tomorrow night and you don't have to eat dinner at 5:30 PM. Squint eyes aginst snow blowing in them, sideways, coldly.

8. Get home. Remove coat, scarf, hat, gloves, boots. Pull fancy goblets and nice dishes down from really, really high cabinet by using stepladder, standing on counter, and stretching. Boot up work laptop and follow mousse recipe, substituting whiskey for water. Beat heavy cream. Finish mousse, putting it in fancy goblets and tucking it into the fridge. Lick one of the beaters just a little bit.

9. Realize that chicken is not yet defrosted. Hand-defrost under cold running water until your hands turn kind of blue. Give up, put chicken in bowl of water on counter.

10. Wash all the dishes that will fit in the stupid over-sink dishrack. Manage to get most of them washed so you have dishes to use to cook with. Preheat oven to 375.

11. Pull down stale bread from top of refrigerator. Pull down food processor. Make bread into powder. Add herbs, pour onto plate.

12. Stick each chicken boob, one at a time, into plastic bag and pound with rolling pin until at least somewhat flatter. Realize this would work much easier with fully-defrosted chicken.

13. Use leftover egg white and mix with milk, brush on chicken boobs, roll boobs in bread/herb powder. Heat up a bunch of oil in the bottom of a skillet. Put each boob in the skillet for 30 seconds per side until the bread powder is sufficiently stuck. Do your best to drain as much of the oil as possible from the boobs, then realize this is kind of futile. Slice some mozarella cheese and put cheese slices on boobs, on cookie sheet, and slide sheet into oven.

14. Chop up some veggies and make salads. Stick in fridge.

15. Start water for whole-wheat linguine.

16. Decide to have a bottle of REALLY nice wine. Pull it out from wine rack. Drool a little.

17. Pull your dining table into the living room from the front room/curent refrigerator (no heat in there). Realize your table is really heavy, and the cats are not making things any easier by each getting under your feet and the table about 8 times as you pull it up the step from the front room. Groan. Set table with nice plates, wine glasses, unmatching flatware (because you can't reach the silver, also in the really high cabinets).

18. Check temperature of chicken. Not hot enough.

19. Add pasta to boiling water. Chop and sautee mushrooms. Pour some pasta sauce in a pan and heat it up.

20. Hulk comes home, removes his winter clothing, expresses excitement at dinner prospect. Give him the task of opening the REALLY good wine. Drool some more just thinking about it.

21. Chicken is done; turn off oven. Pasta is finally done. Sauce is hot. Assemble elements of dish, adding sauteed mushrooms and grating fresh parmesan cheese on the top. Put salads, dinner plates on table. Add classy plastic bottle of salad dressing.

22. Eat! Drink wine! Get tipsy!

23. Go into kitchen, add whipping cream to top of mousse in fancy goblets, grab nonmatching spoons, bring in mousse and watch Hulk's face. Drink more wine.

and vie ohla, that's how you make Hulk happy.

(I won't mention steps 24-30, as nobody needs to read about THOSE parts. Heh.)


-qir said...

Oooh Oooh Oooh! That sounds fabulous! What wine did you have? That choco-mousse sounds uber-deelishus. I wonder how it would be if you subbed in Cog-Nack.

Glad you had a nice dinner indoors with cats and no snow. And an appreciative, happy hulk.

Glad you are having a hot date tonight. I hope you have a wonderful evenink.


-qir said...

heh heh, that post time is four-twenty. Heh heh.

Yank In Texas said...

yay! glad you had a fab dinner and that the mousse was inspired. that chicken parm sounds yummy. mmm i need some of that...
i think it would be fine with cog-nac qir. i think any liquor that goes with chocolate works.