Monday, November 13, 2006

I swear revenge (Warning: Contains Profanity, Ball Licking)


On Clairol, for discontinuing the shampoo I have loved and been loyal to for the past 10 years. Clairol Herbal Essences Clarifying for Normal to Oily hair - with rosemary and jasmine flower and whatever else it had/has.

A few weeks ago, I was in Indianapolis and ran out of my travel bottle of shampoo, so I stopped by a CVS to pick up another bottle. But somehow, all the familiar Herbal Essences products had been replaced with these bizarre, opaque, brightly-colored bottles that looked just like all the other "hip, new" salon-style products. There were shampoos for color-treated, and volumizing, and structuring, and whatever the hell else their new products claim to do. But no clarifying, no for-oily-hair, no lovely clear green shampoo that I'd strayed from off and on over the years but always gone back to. They had something called "de-gunkify" - but it smelled like perfume and I don't have gunk in my hair because the only things I ever put in my hair are shampoo and (rarely) conditioner.

The thing about my shampoo is that it was really popular - popular enough over the years to inspire generic versions made by Target and Kroger and maybe even Safeway; I can't remember. I tried the generic versions, which worked in a pinch, but always went back to the name brand - I liked to get the enormous bottle that would last me months (I do have a lot of hair, after all, and go through a lot of shampoo). You'd think that they wouldn't just up and get rid of it, especially since it had inspired generic versions and all.

So, back to my story. I figured maybe it was just something going on in Indy, like a test market or something, and I'd just buy shampoo when I came back to Denver. But I came back to Denver and I tried Rite Aid, I tried Walgreens, I even tried Target and Safeway and I COULDN'T FIND MY SHAMPOO! They didn't even have the generic versions anymore. I went online to drugstore.com, no dice. It was as though my shampoo had disappeared off the face of the earth. I got some kind of crunchy granola shampoo at the hippie grocery store, and I hated it. I got some $1 Suave clarifying shampoo and I hated it. I finally found a shampoo that I'd tried once before and liked OK, but it only seems to be sold at Rite-Aid and not Target. And then I tried one more place, our King Soopers, and it wasn't there - but the Kroger generic version was. I snapped it up and my hair is finally being more normal.

I think I'm going to have to find my shampoo on Ebay or something and stock up, because this small generic bottle won't last forever. I'm also thinking of writing a strongly-worded letter to Clairol admonishing them for getting rid of a good-selling shampoo line with a lot of satisfied customers. To quote Jay from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: All those motherfuckers are going to PAY. They are the ones who are the ball lickers!

9 comments:

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

I bought that Trader Joe's satsuma orange shampoo solely for the smell but it's complete shit. So far the ones that I've liked the most have been a) Biosilk (the new fave) b) Dove and c) Pantene.

Aveda smells lovely but to tell you the truth, I don't think it really does that much for your hair. Shampure was okay-this new volumising one I have is terrible. B&B is also just "okay"-though I thought their "Gentle" was quite good.

-qir said...

I really like the Trader Joes citrus fresh shampoo, but I think it's because it keeps the Pantene Conditioner from making my hair too heavy.

Used on it's own, its a source of massive hair tangles, which means it sucks fetid donkey dong.

Leah said...

They discontinued my shampoo too. Thermasilk volumizing formula, I'll never be the same without you. *sob*

-qir said...

where the fuck did that misplaced apostrophe come from??? Bad apostrophe, Bad! Bad!!

yournamehere said...

I approve of your cursing.

Anonymous said...

I found some!! Kroger brand at Jay C supermarkets. So far I have bought 5 bottles and plan on buying a few every week to have a stash.

Justin said...

Yea I hate how they discontinued the herbal essences we all know, I like the one you like too I live in Canada and they don't sell it here either, we only have the both citrus lift, purple bottle and red of rain forest flowers, and fruit fusions we have the purple,pink and orange one. for original we have the one containing rose hips. These are the only ones, Clairol should bring them back they are the best. On Ebay I just lately ordered some shampoo the kind you like with rosemary and other herbs, I also ordered other ones I never tried. It costs $4.85 per bottle U.S price and $5.16 CAD price. here is the link to it in case you want to order some and stock up. If you order you have to tell them what kinds you want so they know, http://cgi.ebay.ca/German-Herbal-Essences-Shampoo_W0QQitemZ150128801848QQihZ005QQcategoryZ11861QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem#ebayphotohosting
It's from Germany but you can still understand this page because it is English and German. If you want you can look around at other places on eBay but I only found the matching conditioner to the shampoo.

Justin said...

I made a mistake it's http://cgi.ebay.ca/German-Herbal-Essences-Shampoo_W0QQitemZ150128801848QQihZ005QQcategoryZ11861QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem#ebayphotohosting

Justin said...

The link wont fit just search german herbal essences shampoo on ebay Canada and on the Unites States one I think.