The ongoing saga of MLE's teeth, starring punk-ass enamel and failed sealants

Once upon a time (it's story time again, yay!) there was a girl who inherited every crappy teeth-related thing from both parents.

That girl, of course, is me. My teeth are crooked, the enamel is yellow (not stained! I don't drink coffee ever and rarely tea - whitening stuff wouldn't do me any good), and I have a strong proclivity for dental caries. I think that if my teeth were not as shitty as they are, I would be a few grand richer. Over the last seven years, I've spent approximately $3500 out of pocket (that's WITH dental insurance, mind you) on fillings, more fillings, crowns, wisdom teeth removal, and a root canal. And I've never had braces, which I'll be paying for myself (eventually), so that's going to add another several thou onto my expensive mouth.

(of course, it doesn't make me feel any better to know that one of my sisters inherited perfect straight white teeth and has never had any cavities. She got the perfect skin, too.)

It seems as though every time I have work done on my teeth, it causes some other problem. When I was a teenager my family dentist extolled the virtues of dental sealants to seal up my (also inherited) deep molars so I wouldn't get cavities. And guess what? Every single one of those sealants leaked. Every last one. I got a cavity under every single damn sealant. And one of those fillings pushed up against the tooth next to it, so I couldn't get the floss beneath my gum inbetween those two teeth. I ended up with a cavity under the gumline that got so bad I had to have a root canal. I couldn't afford a crown at the time so I had a temporary one until about two years ago.

And my wisdom teeth! The bottom ones grew in sideways, pushing up against the back molars. This created pockets where stuff got in (of course) and I got bad cavities in both back molars. The wisdom teeth had to come out to keep the problem from getting worse, but once those were out I couldn't afford to fill the cavities. Another thing I paid for about two years ago, one of which ended up needing a crown. So that's two crowns, one root canal, and about 8 fillings for the bitch-ass leaky sealants.

Every damn time I go into the dentist for a checkup/cleaning, they find something else. I get praised for my brushing and flossing and how healthy my gums are and how little tartar or plaque I have, but it doesn't seem to make any difference to the damn enamel, because I continue to get cavities. In case you hadn't guessed, I had my six-month appointment today. "Your gums look great!" said the hygenist. Of course, the bite wing Xrays told the true story - the horrible filling that caused the root canal needs replacing (and it's a doozy, one step away from ANOTHER crown), another filling has a cavity underneath it, and two fillings that were done like a year and a half ago just aren't sitting right against each other and need replacing. So that's FOUR fillings I need dealt with, only one of which actually has a cavity associated with it, and said cavity is because the damn filling is so old and crappy and of course it got a cavity underneath it.

GODDAMN MUTHERFRACKING TEETH. I would be a rich woman if it weren't for my teeth. And I really need braces, not just for cosmetic reasons, but because I have a crossbite that's weakening one of my front teeth and I would probably get fewer cavities if my teeth had enough room to sit properly in my damn mouth. But I can't afford it just yet. Of course my insurance would pay for braces for any spawn of mine, but for me? No frakking way.