The Big Day, Part 2: In which we make it legal

Part 1 here

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The guys have just walked in and the girls are walking in ahead of me. There's a last minute decision to forego the Italian scarves (though I got them so they would be less cold!) and I end up being the only one wearing a scarf during the ceremony. I can barely hear the music, but I know everyone else can hear it. QIR, Lissa, Laurel, and OF each walk in and stop, and I am the last one in.

The music stops and Erin starts to speak. She welcomes everyone, and introduces each of our readers. I take a deep breath.

Katherine reads an exerpt from Goodridge v. Dept of Public Health, the Massachusetts decision on gay marriage. Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive
commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life's momentous acts of self-definition. It is undoubtedly for these concrete reasons, as well as for its intimately personal significance, that civil marriage has long been termed a "civil right." Without the right to choose to marry one is excluded from the full range of human experience.
It is windy; she has to move her hair from her face several times.

Julie reads an exerpt from A Gift of the Sea, by Anne Morrow Lindberg.
Here the bonds of marriage are formed. For marriage, which is always spoken of as a bond, becomes actually, in this stage, many bonds, many strands, of different texture and strength, making up a web that is taut and firm. The web is fashioned of love. Yes, but many kinds of love: romantic love first, then a slow-growing devotion and, playing through these, a constantly rippling companionship. It is made of loyalties, and interdependencies, and shared experiences. It is woven of memories of meetings and conflicts; of triumphs and disappointments. It is a web of communication, a common language, and the acceptance of lack of language, too; a knowledge of likes and dislikes, of habits and reactions, both physical and mental. It is a web of instincts and intuitions, and known and unknown exchanges. The web of marriage is made by nearness, in the day to day living side by side, looking outward and working in the same direction. It is woven in space and in time of the substance of life itself.

I am reading the readings from the nice copies we've printed and mounted on fancy paper, over the shoulder of whoever is reading. I take a few breaths. I look at Dan. I let Julie's voice wash over me.

Scarlett reads an exerpt from "I like you," a children's book by Sandol Stoddard Warburg. Dan and I were introduced to this book by a friend long before we got engaged, and it was one of the first decisions we made when we started to plan the wedding, that this would be one of the readings during the ceremony.
I like you and I know why.
I like you because you are a good person to like.
I like you because when I tell you something special, you
know it's special
And you remember it a long, long time.
You say, Remember when you told me something special
And both of us remember
When I think something is important
you think it's important too
We have good ideas
When I say something funny, you laugh
I think I'm funny and you think I'm funny too
You know how to be silly
That's why I like you
Boy are you ever silly
I never met anybody sillier than me till I met you
I like you because you know when it's time to stop being
silly
Maybe day after tomorrow
Maybe never
That's because you really like me
You really like me, don't you
And I really like you back
And you like me back and I like you back
And that's the way we keep on going every day
If you go away, then I go away too
or if I stay home, you send me a postcard
You don't just say Well see you around sometime, bye
I like you a lot because of that
If I go away, I send you a postcard too
And I like you because if we go away together
And if we are in Grand Central Station
And if I get lost
Then you are the one that is yelling for me
And I like you because when I am feeling sad
You don't always cheer me up right away
Sometimes it is better to be sad
If you find two four-leaf clovers, you give me one
If I find four, I give you two
If we only find three, we keep on looking
Sometimes we have good luck, and sometimes we don't
I like you because I don't know why but
Everything that happens is nicer with you
I can't remember when I didn't like you
It must have been lonesome then
I like you because because because
I forget why I like you but I do
So many reasons
On the 4th of July I like you because it's the 4th of July
On the fifth of July, I like you too
Even if it was the 999th of July
Even if it was August
Even if it was way down at the bottom of November
Even if it was no place particular in January
I would go on choosing you
And you would go on choosing me
Over and over again
That's how it would happen every time
I don't know why
I guess I don't know why I really like you
Why do I like you
I guess I just like you
I guess I just like you because I like you.

The geese chime in during Scarlett's reading, the ones that live in and around the lake. They're hiding out on the island. The reading gets many laughs, as do the sounds of honking. I laugh at the funny parts and am so glad we asked Scarlett to read this one, because she understands exactly how it needs to be read.

Erin leads us through our declaration of intent. We look into each other's eyes when we say this part and mean every word.
Impressive Clergywoman: Bride & Groom, will you always be open,
honest, and patient, trust one another, and be worthy
of that trust?
Bride & Groom together: We will.
IC: Marriage is an ongoing dialogue, a series
of discussions that will help you find your way
together. Will you communicate with each other fully,
and fearlessly?
B&G: We will.
IC: Every marriage requires a leap of faith.
Will you work, even when the work is hard, to honor
your vows?
B&G: We will.
IC: As your life unfolds before you, you will
remain true to the promises you make this day?
B&G: We will.

Erin introduces our vows using a small part of a piece by Robert Fulghum entitled Union, along with some stuff she has written herself. I hand my bouquet to OF, because Dan and I have decided we will ro-sham-bo to see who says vows first. Dan wins!


Dan has memorized his vows. I am truly, truly impressed. He holds my hand while he makes his promises to me, which revolve around the symbolism of our claddagh rings: friendship, love, loyalty. I almost start crying but I know I can't start now because I still have my vows to say to him.

I pull my vows out of the bodice of my dress (where else was I supposed to put them?) People laugh again. I am so happy that people are both paying attention to our ceremony and getting enjoyment out of it. I read my vows off the lined paper I've written them on and try to look into Dan's eyes as much as possible.

Erin introduces the ring exchange. The wedding ring represents the strength
and completeness of marriage. It is a circle, a symbol of wholeness, cooperation and peace. The circle of these rings is a symbol of your love and commitment to one another. A ring looks both inwards to your relationship and outwards to the community of which you are a part. Holla hands over the rings we will exchange. Dan puts my ring on my finger and says, "I give you this ring as a symbol that I love you, every single day of your life." I surreptitiously slide my ring the rest of the way up my finger before it's my turn. I put Dan's ring on his finger and Erin prompts my line, because there's no way I could have remembered it. I was too busy looking into the eyes of the person who was now married to me.



Erin pronounces us married. We kiss, a good, solid, though not grandmother-cringe-inducing kiss, and the recessional music starts: Vince Guaraldi's Linus and Lucy. Dan and I dance up the aisle and stop partway up the grass to hug and kiss each other again, and dance a little more. Yay! We're married! Let's party!


Thanks to Curtis, Katherine, and Leah for the photos. More ceremony photos here and here.

Interlude

Of course I'm still going to write about the rest of the wedding, but someone has promised to put up more photos and I plan to use some of them in telling my recap in all its gory detail. So instead, I'm going to do a little book reviewing and discuss the weather and all the other stuff that's going on since we got back from Denver.

So, there.

First, I finished The Year of Living Biblically. It was great! A fantastic read, very funny and poignant in a few places. I read many parts to Dan out loud because I found them so amusing. And it also really made me think about what it means to have faith in a book written so long ago, for a culture that is long gone, and how modern-day people attempt to translate such esoteric rules into actions that make sense now. It also made me think about how glad I am that I don't feel any pressure to live my life according to how someone else (deity or no) tells me I should. Recently, some people I know who were culturally Jewish decided to really explore their faith and have become Orthodox - she covers her hair, they keep completely kosher, they follow the Sabbath, and for them it has become something very important. They really enjoy following all the Orthodox rules; it gives meaning and structure to their lives. As in The Year of Living Biblically, it makes them feel good to have a set of rules to follow, and they do the things without knowing WHY they are important to do, but they trust that God has His reasons and so they do them. That's great for them, and I'm happy they have found something that fulfills them. And I'm happy that I don't feel the need to follow any proscribed rules myself.

I'm really glad I read the book and that the author took his time to do a lot of research, experience a lot of what it means to be Orthodox Jewish and/or Fundamentalist Christian, and write his experiences. I highly recommend it.

I'm about halfway finished with Under the Banner of Heaven, the bestseller from a few years ago about Fundamentalist LDS people (and also about the origins of the Mormon church in general). I borrowed it from Monkey while we were in LA last week and started reading it right away, because I've wanted to read it for quite some time. While I find it fascinating, it also tends to give me bad dreams about scary religious people so I've stopped reading it before bed (which is when I do most of my reading for fun). I expect to finish it, perhaps this weekend. So far it's about what I expected in terms of the story told in the book (a true one) and the exploration of the origin of the Latter-Day Saints, Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, and how and why the polygamy bit became a part of the deal. It's really quite interesting, and I can see why the one-husband-many-wives thing might appeal to the men, but what I still haven't figured out is how they've convinced all the wimmenfolk to go along with it for so long. The modern-day FLDS women (and their children, for different reasons) don't seem to have things so good. Girls are married off at really young ages, often to men significantly older, and they don't have any choice in the matter. Boys are, more often than not, kicked out of the compounds and communities when they get older because the older men don't want the competition for women, so they end up in unfamiliar places with no money, job skills, or education. "Lost boys," they are called. It sucks for everyone.

Another book I borrowed from Monkey was Libba Bray's A Great and Terrible Beauty. I finished that one earlier this week and really liked it for the most part, although part of me was expecting it to be better since it's been talked up by so many people. Long story short: power fantasy for girls, set in turn-of-the-century (as in, 19th to 20th) India and London. I'm rather fond of the main character, but didn't feel the other ones were quite fleshed out enough - and there could have been a lot more explanation about the power bit. I'm not going to spoil it, and I do plan to read the other books.

Right now I'm reading one I checked out from the library, yet another "authorized" sequel to Gone With The Wind, this time from the POV of Rhett Butler. I'm about 1/4 to 1/3 into Rhett Butler's People, and so far it's not quite as good as "Scarlett" (which, I must admit, I rather liked in its own right, despite the characters behaving nothing like their counterparts in GWTW) but it's an escapist fantasy of a different sort, and I intend to finish it. I've gotta read something that will keep me from dreaming about the crazy fundamentalists.

Also, this week has been the epitome of Spring in Colorado. It's gone from sunny, warm, and lovely (Sunday) to overcast and occasionally snowing (Monday), to overcast and a bit warmer (Tuesday) to less nice (Wednesday) to snow and rain (today). I've heard it's supposed to be warm and nice again by Monday. We'll see.

Also, this morning there was a gigantic cockroach in the women's bathroom here at work. Gross.

Also, for those of you who can't wait for more wedding recaps, you can see the "teaser" slideshow our photographer sent us here. Warning: there's music, and also, if you are me, you might cry a little.

The Big Day, Part 1: Somehow, it all comes together. I think elves might have been involved.

I awake in a dim grey light, a few minutes before OF comes down the stairs. "It's 7:07", she announces. "OK, thanks," I say, and pull on the wedding underwear and bra I spent waaaay too much money on, my (still wet on the bottom from all the rain the day before) jeans and a shirt.

I realize that I have forgotten to get my button-down shirt from my bag o' stuff at the rental house. I don't want to have to pull a shirt over my hair after it's done, so I ask OF if she has a button-down shirt I can borrow. She finds an old one in her mother's closet. It's a little big, but it will do. OF's parents greet me and offer me a few choices for breakfast. Not being a drinker of beverages in the morning (unless I'm sick or it's really cold out), I opt for just a toasted English muffin with jam and peanut butter. OF's mom makes me bring a tangerine with me, but I never eat it and find it in my purse days later.

OF putters around and I realize that it's 7:25 and we should really get going. My hair appointment is at 7:45. I pick a few lupines that are growing near the house on the whim that they might look nice in my hair, and we drive down to Cloverdale. OF has arranged to have a manicure while I'm getting my hair done, so she and the nail person chat a bit while the lady does my hair and some other lady having her hair colored is sitting in the next chair, draped in a towel, gabbing with us about weddings and such. The lady finishes with my hair and pins in the hair vine I've made, and I decide that flowers would be overkill. It's only taken about 20 minutes for my hair to be finished, and OF and I leave and head to my mom's house, where two very important bags have been accidentally left - Dan's smaller backpack which contains the laptop (and thus, all our music) and a plastic Target bag with all my makeup and nail polish. The photographer calls to let me know he has arrived in the neighborhood and reconfirms the address of the rental house. We get to my mom's and I grab the bags,say hi to my family who is just waking up, then call Bequi who has offered a few weeks beforehand to do anything that needs doing the morning of the wedding. She has just woken up, so we wait a few minutes to give her time to get dressed, then drive over to pick her up. I knock my old knock on the door, for old time's sake, which makes her parents laugh.

Bequi gets in the car, bags in hand, and I tell her some of the things that still need doing. We chat a bit driving up to the club, see that Dan has already put up the signs directing people to the event, and drop Bequi off at the rental house so she can change and meet up with other people who will be helping with set-up, and then OF and I drive down to the club quickly to make sure that the caterers have everything they need. Luckily, Dan's already been down there to unlock everything (except, we will discover later, the bathrooms) so we head back up to OF's parents' house and I bring in the bucket that has the flowers for my bouquet. Then the photographer shows up, and he introduces himself to OF's parents and takes a few photos of me while I pick lupines to put in my bouquet. He takes a few more while I make it, wrapping it with ribbon and sticking it with pins. OF's mom asks if I would like a piece of quiche. I eat the quiche in intermittent bites while finishing up my bouquet and I can't remember if I eat the whole piece. Probably not.

The bouquet finished and the mess cleaned up, the photographer heads back over to the rental house. My phone rings; it is my cousin who tells me that her husband and my other cousin's boyfriend are at BevMo to pick up our keg and it hasn't been paid for yet. Doh! Despite telling myself that I'd remember to call at 9 AM to make sure they wouldn't have any problems when they picked it up, it has completely slipped my mind. I call BevMo right away and ask to speak to the manager with whom I have arranged this transaction earlier in the week, give her the credit card information, and everything is OK. For some reason, they won't accept payment in advance or allow people from out of state to pick up kegs so it had to be a local picking it up, and my cousin lives in Santa Rosa. I start to put on my makeup and my mom shows up. She takes a photo of me in my bra which we both find amusing. I finish putting on my makeup and hastily paint a coat of the green nail polish I've been saving for today over the polish I already have on my toes, since I don't have time to remove what's there or give myself a true pedicure. I'd originially intended to do it the night before, but never found the time.



My sisters arrive and start to get dressed. Both have purchased, as they call them, "plastic boobies," stick-on bras. I was hoping that they could get away with wearing no bras at all, but at least they didn't have to pay for the dresses. I tie Lissa's dress and tie Laurel's dress. They take pictures of me in my bra and underwear. We all laugh some. The photographer comes back just as they start helping me into my dress, OF and Lissa working on the lacing, Laurel painting my fingernails and helping me into my shoes. I am annoyed at myself; I had intended to put my shoes on first so nobody had to help me, but of course, I forgot. The photographer tells me that Dan is there, hiding in the downstairs part of the house, waiting for me so we can do "first look" photos. In a few minutes I'm ready. I feel as though this is the least amount of time I've ever had to get ready for any event, as I put on my makeup in about two minutes. The bumps are as bumpy and red as ever; I hope that the photographer is able to work some magic with photoshop. I forget to put on the earrings I've borrowed from my mom. I put on the necklace Julie has made for me from the green pearls I got in China. Because I am thinking about it and my purse is there, I write out a check for the photographer.

Later, I will realize that I have left a whole mess of stuff at OF's parents house. They are kind enough to pack up all my clothes, toiletries, makeup, and sundries, plus stuff my sisters have left behind, and deliver the bags to my mom later in the afternoon.

Dan is waiting on the back deck, gorgeous view of the valley behind him. From the back, he looks great in his kilt. I tiptoe over to where he is standing and wrap my arms around him. I forget that the photographer is there taking pictures of us, I just enjoy seeing Dan look so smashing. He looks pretty googly-eyed at me, too. Our original plan had been to walk down to the club together, but we're running low on time, and it's also pretty chilly, so instead when my mom and her friend come back from helping set up at the club (which I have no idea they are doing until later - and apparently my mom's friend mopped up a bunch of water still on the ground from the storm the night before), they offer to drive us down instead. I pile myself and my dress in to the front seat, along with the flamin' chucks I plan to wear in a few photos, while Dan and my mom get in the back, and in just a couple of minutes we are there. So are a ton of other people, and the tent is starting to look great. People are hanging twinkly lights and cranes, the tables have their table name cards and the snars and the flowers. One person I don't recognize until she turns around; it is Laurel's best friend, who has recently become a brunette (she's a natural blonde). The caterers tell us that the bathrooms haven't been unlocked. Dan sends someone up to get the keys from the rental house, and to get my green scarf from the car. Simon gives my my "something borrowed," a kickass purple and black garter with skulls on it.

The PA system and the benches are set up down on the beach. I don't know who does this, only that the tasks are done. I tell my sisters and QIR where to find their bouquets, or maybe I show them which one is for which person, I don't really remember. I hand out the corsages I've made for our readers, our moms, and Leah, which I'd put pins in the night before. I give the bouts to someone and direct them to put them on the appropriate guys, but there are no pins in them. OF drives Leah & Simon's car up to her mom's house to get the extra pins. The pins arrive; the bouts are pinned on, everything is ready to go.



We're almost ready for photos, and more people are starting to arrive. Laurel starts following me, holding up my dress. It is cold and still a little damp; the tissue paper pompoms are all somewhat wilty. The keys return, are used to unlock the bathrooms, and I get my green scarf. We all head down to the beach for posed photos: bridal party, the guys, the girls, the families. Lissa's got a few photos she wants the photographer to take, and I have no problem with her helping direct things. Bequi acts as photographer's assistant; I am told that she gave him a few good reasons why she'd be good at people wrangling. She holds the list of the posed shots we'd asked for. Some of the photos include us walking out onto a really wobbly dock and playing on a playground.









We're finally finished with the photos, and more people arrive. I hug lots of people and greet others and am kind of agog that so many people are there to see us get married. It's more than a little overwhelming.

Weeks beforehand, I'd asked my friend Joey, a confirmed attendee, if he would videotape the ceremony for Dan's grandma - he used to do a lot of videotaping and moviemaking in high school, so I trust his abilities. It's getting later, and more people are showing up, but Joey still hasn't arrived. We need to start the ceremony, and the only person I can think of who isn't in the wedding party or a family member and happens to be someone I can trust and is also nearby is my friend the Irish German. I ask if he'll be so kind as to press record on the videocamera, as we have that and the tripod ready to go. It's the last minute, but he kindly obliges. I feel terrible but I know it needs to be done and don't have time to think of someone else to ask. I look across the parking lot and see two people I don't recognize walking toward the club. It isn't until they get really close that I realize it's an old friend of my mom's and her boyfriend, who I've never met, and who has a long white beard. Joey never shows up, and never returns my message when I call him the next day.



The guys gather on one side of the assembled group, near the playground, and the girls gather on the other side, by the boats. Laurel's boyfriend starts the processional, Mark Motherspaugh's Canon from the Royal Tenenbaums soundtrack, and Lissa's fiance walks my mom down the aisle. EEK follows them and stands at the front. The guys walk in from the left side. It's time to go.

Thanks to Curtis, Lissa, Katherine, and my mom for the photos

Friday: Miles to go before I sleep

Friday morning as Oldest Friend came back I realized I wasn't going to be able to sleep anymore. OF, Leah, and I went to a cafe a few blocks away and ate pie (me) and drank tea (OF and Leah), and it was really the only moment of relaxation I had all day (and would have for the next three). The apple pie was really good, and I felt much better after I'd eaten.

I had made a list of things that needed to be done on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Here was my list for Friday:

Get flowers and lemons from Leah and Simon
Shopping for house at Costco
Haul flowers & decorations & luggage & wine & drinks from mom's house to rental house
Make corsages, bouts, and bouquets
Decorate club, set up tables
Pick up linens from caterer
Pick up cake
Construct ceremony thingy (this didn't end up happening)
Make lemonade (didn't happen until Saturday after the wedding)
Hem QIR & Laurel's dresses ( my mom ended up doing this)

Leah drove back to the East Bay and OF and I went to Union Street because she wanted to find a necklace to replace one she'd bought a few months before and lost. The GPS she'd brought was interesting, something I'd never before used or encountered, but it got us to where we needed to go. The shops on Union street were all closed, but we happened upon the right shop (she couldn't remember which one, only that it had a black and white awning) just at the shop-running people arrived. Being Oldest Friend, she managed to convince them to sell her two versions of the necklace (one in gold and one in silver) a full hour before their shop officially opened. As we walked back to the car, we passed by a flower stand and they had the yellow roses needed for the bouts, plus the white daisies I'd wanted. Total bill for all flowers: $72. Plus a few bucks for wire, tape, ribbon, and pins. Sweet!

OF and I used the trusty GPS to get us over to Simon and Leah's house, where we picked some greenery and a few flowers (they brought up a tub of callas later, plus a bunch of lemons) and poured a hungover Dan into the car. We headed over to QIR's place, where we added both QIR's dress and QIR to the load. From there, we headed north, significantly later than I would have liked, and we stopped at the Costco and Target in Novato to get the food for the afterparty and to have stocked at the house (breakfast stuff, snacks, etc.) I was pretty exhausted and overwhelmed by this point with the huge list of stuff still to do, and at 1 PMish we were eating slices of pizza in the Costco parking lot to fortify us, thanks to QIR's thinking ahead. I was really nervous about how in the world we'd be able to add the linens and the cakes to the load and manage to fit everything, so OF called her parents (who had recommended the bakery to us), and they offered to pick up the cake and bring it to the club. OF also called the bakery and gave them our credit card info over the phone so it was all paid for.

After a quick stop in Petaluma at the caterer's to get the linens, we were finally ready to complete the journey. My mom called at some point to let me know she was unexpectedly entertaining some of our out-of-town guests, and they were at her house and wanted to know what they could do to help. Our wine, water, flowers, decorations, and some other stuff were all still at her house, so I said they could pack up a vehicle or two and drive the stuff up to the club and meet us there. So they did, which was a huge help and saved us a trip. When we arrived, my mom took QIR and her dress (which still needed to be hemmed, and, despite opinions to the contrary, was not only possible to hem, but my mom managed it with a minimum of fuss. Thanks, mom!), and Dan went to my mom's to pick up our luggage, toiletries, and an assortment of other things that needed to go up (like the signs). Left at the club were myself and Oldest Friend, and we hunkered right down and started in on the flowers.

It was raining when we got up north, incidentally. It rained, and then it rained some more, which is precicely what the weather report we'd been watching all week had said it would do. The tent people still hadn't put up the tent (and they didn't actually get it up until about 5:30 PM, and by the time they did everything was soaked). OF and I looked at the buckets of flowers we had available (seriously, we had waaaaaay more than we needed) and she got to work on her own bouquet and started arranging flowers in my mom's mason jars and some smaller vases we had, while I took the various flowers out of their plastic wrappings and rubber bands, and arranged bouquets for QIR and my sisters. I set aside the flowers I wanted for my own bouquet but knew I wouldn't be able to make it until the next morning, because there were some specific wildflowers blooming in the area that have personal significance to me (lupines) and they wouldn't last overnight.

I managed to get flowers from my mom's yard into each of the bouquets, and added as needed. Lissa's bouquet was a paler palette, and Laurel's was all bright colors, while QIR's was a mix of both. Oldest Friend made her own bouquet - I can't really remember exactly what was in hers, only that it was (of course) beautiful and she took the time to wire up some leaves and made it look really pretty. We both worked on the mason jar flowers, adding as they looked like they needed, and everything turned out pretty much exactly how I wanted it to - a mix of colors and textures, looking like everything was fresh-picked from the garden. Hooray!

Four bridesmaid bouquets plus six corsages



It got later, and the tent people finally showed up. Dan returned with a bunch of what was needed from the house, QIR in tow. Finally, people started to arrive (we'd asked people to show up around 5 PM to do the rehearsal and several people said they'd come earlier to help) and we discovered that there was some extra terrible, hours-long traffic going through Santa Rosa that everyone had to deal with - so everyone was late. Someone told me at some point that they'd heard there were six accidents! And of course, my cell phone didn't function or have any signal at the club, so there was no way anyone could let me know. Leah and Simon arrived with Holla and The Lovely Katherine, EEK and her paramour arrived a bit confuzzled, and my sisters arrived with their significant others. Finally, everyone was there, and everyone was doing things like decorating inside the club with our cranes, lanterns, and tissue paper pompoms.

Dan and I left briefly to take much needed showers (I think it was one of my shortest showers on record) and to change into nicer clothing. While we were gone, people did more decorating and arranging of things, but unfortunately someone made an incorrect assumption and they did a lot more work than they needed to, as the tables we were using (and were to be put under the tent) were NOT the wooden picnic tables but instead some folding tables in a locked cupboard. When Dan and I returned, we were able to set things straight, and with so many people the picnic tables were removed from the tent and the correct tables brought out, unfolded, and arranged according to the schematic Dan and I had determined earlier in the week. Due to the size and space issues, not to mention the "who shouldn't sit near whom" issues, our table arrangement was a little funky. Luckily, it went quickly. I just feel bad that Lissa twisted her ankle helping move the picnic tables that didn't need to be moved in the first place.

Finally, we were able to do a quick run-through of the ceremony, with Dan and I directing how things would go, and EEK (being our officiant) asking questions. Other people asked questions, too. We got almost everything figured out and then Scarlett and her boyfriend showed up (she was one of the readers, still looking a little green) so we were able to let her know what was going to happen and when. Laurel's boyfriend volunteered to push the button on the laptop to start and stop the processional and recessional (thanks, Laurel's boyfriend!) and things pretty much all got figured out. Dan and I let people know we planned to roshambo to decide who would get to say vows first (we wrote our own, and didn't know what the other would say beforehand). I gave everyone a copy of the program. We all piled into various cars, some of which headed straight for the rehearsal dinner and others of which made a pitstop along the way. I rode with Scarlett, her boyfriend, and Oldest Friend. Both Scarlett and I changed and/or removed clothing during the drive, which amused her boyfriend greatly. (I was wearing a dress over jeans, and I took off the jeans when we got there). I dudn't have time to put on any makeup and thought I looked pretty terrible, but luckily the lighting at the dinner was dim.

We arrived at the restaurant where Dan's parents organized a fabulous rehearsal dinner (with delicious menu, wine, and more flowers) and greeted everyone and talked to everyone and waited for the rest of the crew to show up. Finally, everyone was there, and it was time to choose our meals and eat and toast and do all the things that people do at rehearsal dinners. Dan's aunt and uncle had some of the images from our invitation printed on coffee mugs (what a cool gift!) and toasted us a bit. Dan's dad gave a toast, and so did Dan, and so did my mom's cousin from Beijing. Everyone enjoyed the meal and the fabulous dessert, and little by little people left. I tried really hard to stay in the moment and enjoy the party, but I was focused on what still needed to be finished. We left while quite a few people were still there, because there was still so much to be done back at the club. Because of the rain, the decorating couldn't really be done in the tent (it was too wet) and I still had to finish the bouts and corsages.

Luckily, despite everyone's exhaustion and earlier assistance, QIR, Simon, and Leah came back to the club to help us finish some of the things that needed finishing after I'd changed clothes. Oldest Friend joined us a little while later, feeling a bit run-down (she's been seriously ill a few weeks before and was still recovering). "You have me for 45 minutes," she announced. QIR got to work on the bouts, while I made the corsages. Everyone else helped finish the interior decorating. I gave Leah some instructions for the next day, knowing that a few people would be coming up early to help in the morning and would need direction that she could provide. It was nearly midnight and I was about to fall over, so Leah and Simon drove me up to OF's parents' house and Dan bid me goodnight, our last kiss as an unmarried couple.

It's possible that more people were there to help late that night. I honestly can't remember, I was so tired. If you were there and I didn't mention you, sorry.

I lay in the downstairs bedroom at OF's parents' house, unable to sleep because my brain wouldn't shut off, even though I'd taken a benadryl for my face. I'd given Oldest Friend instructions to wake me up at 7 AM. I was cold, couldn't find an extra blanket (though I found in the morning that there was one), and put on my sweater. I must have slept, finally, at some point, but I can't even remember if I had any dreams. All I know is that everything that still needed doing was running through my head.

Thanks again to Leah for the photos. More prep photos here.

Shamelessly stealing the movie meme amidst wedding recaps

Stolen from EEK, Todd, Dan, and Monkey, among others

Here are the rules I must follow:

* Pick 15 movies. (These aren't necessarily my favorites, as many have already been taken, but they are all movies I like)
* Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
* Post them on el bloggo for everyone to guess.
* Fill in the film title once it’s been guessed.

These are the rules, people!

* Leave guesses in the comments.
* No Googling or using IMDB search functions. Don’t cheat, suckas!
*Know-it-alls, limit your guesses to three movies. Save some for others!

1."You slip me the cash, and I slip you the weiner."
"But I don't have any cash!"
"Then I don't have a weiner!"
--Adventures in Babysitting, Lissa (hi, Lissa!)

2. "I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life. "

--Groundhog Day, EEK

3. "But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life. "

4. "No more rhyming now! I mean it!"
"...anybody want a peanut?"

--The Princess Bride, Average Jane

5. "Something from the grill, Jill?"
"No, meat makes me ill, Bill."

--Muppets Take Manhattan, Lissa

6. "I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar."

--Serenity, Average Jane

7. "How many husbands have you had? "
"Mine or other women's? "
"Yours."
"Five. "
"Five? "
"Yes, just the five. Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft strong and disposable. "
"You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies. "
"Flies are where men are most vulnerable."

--Clue, Lissa

8. "How do you know if a Frenchman has been in your backyard? "
"Hey, I'm French, all right? "
"Your garbage cans are empty and your dog's pregnant. "
"Didn't I just say I'm French? "
--Stand By Me, Todd

9. "I believe if there's any kind of God it wouldn't be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between. If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt."

10. "I finally get a bouquet and it's a goodbye present. That's depressing. "

11. "In telling the story of my father's life, it's impossible to separate fact from fiction, the man from the myth. The best I can do is to tell it the way he told me. It doesn't always make sense and most of it never happened... but that's what kind of story this is. "

--Big Fish, Average Jane

12. "Which did you like better? "Jedi" or "The Empire Strikes Back"? "
"Empire".
"Blasphemy. "
"Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets. "

--Clerks, Todd

13. "That cab has a dent in it!"

--The Royal Tenenbaums, EEK

14. "Dude, that was SO not extreme! "
"I know, Extreme Sports Punk Number One... "

15. "There's a ninety-five pound Chinese man with a hundred sixty million dollars behind this door."
"Let's get him out. "
--Ocean's Eleven, Cari

Wednesday and Thursday: Things heating up

So after I wrote on Wednesday (now more than a week ago! but gimme a break, I was gettin' hitched and drivin' home), we played around with some big sticks in the backyard but ultimately decided that constructing a thing would be too much work. Instead, we drove out to Stryker Vineyards and bought some wine to give to the people who stood up with us at the wedding. The guy in the tasting room there gave us the stinkeye when we told him our name plans, which was a little disappointing, but we soldiered on and stopped in at Murphy-Goode to taste some more wine and bought a bottle for ourselves. The guy in there was super nice and gave us a 10% discount - I'm not sure why - but we were grateful for it and enjoyed the winery's cat, a large male rivaled only in size by Loki.

I kind of can't remember what else we did on Wednesday. Oh yeah, I made Mexican wedding cookies (for the wedding, duh) and hemmed my sister's dress. Dan got some paint at the hardware store and he made the directional signs. We wanted to take Sara and Ron out to dinner but they weren't up for it, so instead we hung out some more with my mom and had dinner at a Mexican restaurant in town.

On Thursday, we got up and packed a few things that we knew we'd need for the parties on Thursday night in the city (and for sleeping over at other people's places). We picked some of the flowers from my mom's yard (tulips, daffodils, Dutch irises, and freesias) to see how they'd do overnight in water, then drove down to Santa Rosa followed by my mom and picked up my dress. We had lunch with my mom's cousin who came into town from Beijing, China (no lie!) at his hotel and then drove to the wholesale flower place where we found most of what we were looking for (dark purple asters, a variety of mums and poms, a couple of sunflowers, a bunch of delphiniums, ranunculus, more irises, um, I can't remember what else). A whole ton of flowers, for about $45. Then we went to Trader Joe's to try to find the yellow roses Dan wanted for the men's bouts, but they didn't have them. Instead, they had a bunch of other stuff that looked cool, so we got more flowers. We put them all in buckets of water in the back of my mom's van and she drove the dress and flowers back to her house while we made our way down to the Bay Area.

Our first stop was in Berkeley, where I sought out a scarf or wrap from one of the Indian stores that sells saris and the like. Nobody really had what I was looking for, but I finally found a plain green one that I thought would go OK with my dress for $6. And then we went to H&M in Emeryville (well, I went to H&M and Dan wandered around in some other stores) and I found a blouse to wear to the afterparty but no skirt, so I just decided to wear a skirt I'd brought with me. We headed over to the city because by that time it was time to get the parties started, and Dan drove while I poured over the paltry map we had of downtown SF, trying to figure out how to get him where he needed to go (North Beach), switch places, and then drive myself over to my cousin's house in the outer Richmond. We finally figured it out after a lot of hair-pulling and gnashing of teeth. I made it to Scarlett's by around six and relaxed in her living room with cheese, fruit, and wine and waited to find out who might be coming to the bachelorette party and what we'd be doing.

Oh, you didn't know? The bachelor/ette parties were secrets. The people involved all planned them, but Dan and I didn't have any idea what we'd be doing. I gave a list of requested invitees to Oldest Friend, but she never told me who was coming. I knew Monkey wasn't coming because she sent me her flight itinerary (she didn't fly up until Friday) but other than that? No idea. At about seven, Leah showed up, bags in tow. Scarlett used my cell phone to make a super secret call and determined that she, Leah, and I would take a cab to the Secret Undisclosed Location as everyone else would be joining us there. So I put on my partying clothes (was told "wear something you'd wear to go out in" um...OK.), troweled some spackle over my red bumps (yes, I still have them, even now), and we all piled into a cab which drove recklessly through the city (as they are wont to do) and dumped us out at 9th and Howard. We wandered around for a little while as we were far earlier than our reservation would allow, and ended up stumbling into a gay bar. What an apropos place to end up being the first stop of the night! The bartenders and many of the patrons were topless, and there were nekkid men grappling with each other and flexing/showing off their nekkid bodies on the teevees. I gulped down a vodka with cranberry juice and Scarlett and Leah and I chatted, while I wondered just what I'd gotten myself into.

Eventually, it was time to take our leave of the gay guys, who were probably not that excited about having three girls in their midst calmly deconstructing the anatomy of the men on the television, and we walked back to our destination - AsiaSF. Now, having once lived in the Bay Area I was familiar with the restaurant's reputation but had never been there. A year ago, waaaay back when we first got engaged Oldest Friend asked me what I wanted to do for my bachelorette party. I insisted on no fake penis paraphenalia (straws, hats, etc.) but other than that, I told her I'd be up for about anything. I also think I mentioned (jokingly) that there was a restaurant in the city at which the servers were (primarily) Asian drag queens. I never thought she'd get it in her head to have the party there, but I guess everyone was up for it, because little by little, everyone showed up - my sis-in-law and EEK, Julie, and finally my sisters with Oldest Friend - who had had to change her flight in order to make the party, and flew in to the other airport. This explained the harried call from my sister asking for her phone number at 5:45 PM. QIR had intended to attend but ended up sleeping after her big work week, which I understood completely.

So we were all there, and treated to quite a show by a variety of ladyboys (complete with implants, but not sure if they were completely changed down there), got really expensive drinks, and had a meal of asian tapas which was both yummy and haphazard. At one point I was ordered to take a blow job shot off the chest of one of the ladies, which I managed to do with no hands, thankyouverymuch. After we were finished eating and drinking, we were led downstairs for the "VIP" tour, during which time I danced on a pole a little and then got my very own lap dance from a large lady named Simone. We were escorted from AsiaSF to the Cat Club, where it was 80s night, and we all drank some more and danced a lot, both with the plebs and in a cage, and I only had one awkward moment, which was that I ran into an old acquaintance from high school/college (she was the girlfriend of my college boyfriend's brother) who has been dating another college friend for years and she was all dressed up and trussed up and I hadn't seen her since new year's eve of 1999-2000, probably. But other than that, everything was great. They made me wear a veil and people congratulated me all night long. After we'd finished, we ended up traipsing drunkenly to a series of other clubs all full of small Asian people.

The party broke up around 1 AM I think, when my sisters and Julie got a ride from my sister's fiance, who had attended the dinner portion of the bachelor party and then returned home to study for a midterm. EEK and the lovely Katherine had returned to the East Bay via BART a short while before, and so the remaining partygoers poured ourselves into a cab back to Scarlett's place. She made it out of the cab just in time and took herself up to bed (and was sick the entire next day, poor thing), while Oldest Friend told me she had another quick adventure to go on and jumped into the departing cab. Leah and I looked at each other and shrugged, got ready for bed, and waited to hear from her so we could let her in to the building when she returned. Then Simon called Leah to let her know about the mugging, and we worried some and talked some, and never heard from Oldest Friend. Being a trooper, she stayed up with me until about 4 AM at which time I was too exhausted to stay awake any longer. I woke up at 6:45 feeling like poo (some from the drinking, but mostly from the lack of sleep) and Oldest Friend knocked on the door at around seven. She'd taken the cab to a coworker's house to retrieve something and ended up falling asleep, and her phone died. So she came back in the morning when she woke up, safe and sound.

Leah has kindly posted her photos from the evening here, since I didn't once pull out my camera.

Wednesday Wedding Day: 3 days to go

Hi everybody!

(Hi, Doctor Nick!)

So, we've been in California for a few days now. On Friday, we left Denver at around 4 PM and drove north and then west, making it to Evanston, WY (the border of WY and UT) by 11 PM and crashing in an overpriced Motel 6 with a hideous bedspread. We were up and on the road early, me driving, and we drove through Utah and Nevada and California and made it to Chez QIR by around quarter after seven in the evening.

Easter proved to be a particularly frustrating day, as everything was closed, and all the errands we planned to run came to naught. We did spend some quality time with my sister and her fiance and then had a lovely pre- and post-birthday dinner (for Dan and myself respectively) cooked by QIR and eaten by us and Leah and Simon of A Girl and a Boy. It was fabulous. After the dinner and the conversation, we drove up late to my mom's house, arriving in the wee small hours.

Monday proved to be most productive. I had my final dress fitting which lasted all of ten minutes (it fits perfectly, if just a tad too big and needing to be laced a bit tighter than I'd like); only needing pressing and the bustle to be moved up an inch. We got our marriage license and bought a bunch of booze, acquired the last of the craft supplies we needed for various projects, then went home and looked around the yard at my mom's flower situation. There will be some we can use from her yard for the wedding, but most things seem to be past their prime - which is OK. Trader Joe's has some lovely-looking flowers now, and the wholesale place is only a few minutes' drive from there in Santa Rosa. We had dinner on Monday night with my mom and her friend with whom she ballroom dances. After dinner Dan and I worked on some last-minute projects (cake topper and pulling apart tissue paper pompoms).


Tuesday dawned even more gorgeously than Monday (seriously, it is SO PRETTY up here right now, hooray!) I had a hair trial with the person who used to cut my hair (her daughter and I were in preschool together), and the trial and day-of hairdo cost me a total of $45. Score! Here's a sneak preview:



Then, Dan and I went up to the club to meet with our banquet captain and the venue coordinator to do some last-minute figuring. We finally figured out how to get all the tables into the space, making sure all the parent tables were near our table but the people who needed to not sit near each other were not sitting near each other. We figured out the ceremony seating and order of entrance, decided what to do with the Great Room, and asked most of our last minute questions, then hightailed it to Santa Rosa where I used my Christmas present from my younger sister, which was a SpaFinder gift certificate. I found a salon in Santa Rosa that took the gift certificate and had a stranger do my waxing for the first time. It was somewhat relaxing and went a lot faster than doing it myself does. We ran another few errands, ordered the cake (one small round for cutting, 1/2 sheet of chocolate with raspberry preserves filling and ganache icing, 1/4 sheet of white chiffon cake with lemon curd filling and vanilla buttercream frosting), and when we got back to my mom's we worked on some more projects.

I've been really stressed out and concerned about my face. The hives, or weird little acne, or whatever they are, don't seem to be going away, and my face hasn't been producing this much oil since I was about 12 years old. It must be a stress reaction. So last night I took some benadryl for the first time in a week (it seems to be doing the most good out of all the things I've tried) and had a couple of glasses of wine and somehow I ended up getting really sleepy and falling asleep at about 9 PM.

Today is Wednesday, and we have no errands or appointments or plans, really. There's another wedding-related project we plan to work on (making some sort of thing for us to stand in front of for the ceremony, using sticks/branches from my mom's yard) and we need to do a couple of little things like have a few of our engagement photos printed. We do plan to go wine tasting and relax a bit, as we can't start working on flowers until tomorrow. Today at some point I'll make a list of what all needs to be done on Thursday and Friday and Saturday morning. But right now I'm going to eat my breakfast.

Also, if any of you are still reading this, please implore whatever deities you might have an in with that it won't rain on Saturday. We were forced to make a call about our tent last Friday before we left Denver when the weather report was saying 70F and Sunny for our wedding day (we canceled the side walls) but now the weather reports are saying chance of showers. NO RAIN, PLEASE.

Hedonism

It's the middle of a gorgeous day. I'm not at work. I only went to work for three hours today and begged out of two meetings.

Instead, I'm packing. And in between the packing, I'm taking bites of leftover birthday cake (STILL SOOOO GOOD), eating a leftover slice of pizza for lunch, and sipping on the last glass of wine from the open bottle we had.

If it weren't for the packing part, I could do this every day.

Oh, how I have longed for this day

Today is officially the first day of spring. Unofficially, it's been spring for a couple of weeks here in Colorado; even the snow and snain (snow mixed with rain, it's my own creation!) we've gotten has been wet. The air has moisture in it for the first time in months, a bit of green is beginning to peek through the brown in people's lawns, and I've actually seen a couple of real, live flowers poking out of the ground. Part of why I'm so excited about spending a week in California (well, aside from the whole getting hitched thing) is how much I love Bay Area spring, how green and flowery and wonderful everything is. I missed out on it last year so I am going to revel in it, frolic as much as possible, and take lots and lots of photos with my new camera.

Speaking of my new camera, I'm unable to upload photos from it onto my computer because of some work security-type issues. My old camera was the same age as my operating system but the new one is obviously much younger and so my computer doesn't recognize it. I hope to have this issue worked out when we get back, but for now I'll be taking photos and uploading them to Dan's computer, then having him email them to me so I can post them. Or using his computer to write in my blog. This will be difficult, because he loves that computer almost as much as he loves Petra, so it will be hard to tear him away for a few minutes so I can do something with my photos. It will be a stopgap measure, as I've been assured by the IT guy here that with a few simple steps (and when he has time) I'll be able to get my camera and my computer to make sweet, sweet USB portage.

Can I just say how awesome it is that the person who teaches the Thursday pilates class I take will give us a free reformer class if there are four or fewer people who show up? It is fantastic, and these classes are usually really expensive. But she calls it a win-win - all she does is bark commands at us (rather than having to demonstrate everything as she would in a mat class) and we get an extra-good workout for free! Today she even complemented me on my form, saying I could be a pilates reformer teacher because it wouldn't be as difficult for me to pass the certification exam. I've only had three classes on the reformer so I don't know that I'd actually WANT to put myself through that but it was nice to hear anyhow.

I'm leaving work in a few minutes to go home and PACK. We have SOOOOO Much Stuff to bring with us to California. Leaving aside things like clothes, shoes, toiletries, makeup, and jewelry (for both of us! Dan's wearing his grandfather's cufflinks and studs!), we've got 4 cases of wine, many cases and flats of vitamin water and smart water, 50 umbrellas (luckily they're still packaged compactly), and a whole bunch of decorations. Including these:




Yep, it's the Huge Craft Project I've been talking about for months. I had been saving a whole bunch of old calendars for years, but never figured out what to do with them until I got it in my head to start folding cranes for the wedding. I folded and folded and folded for months, and then Dan's mom gave me a bunch of HER old calendars so I was able to fold some more. After I was finished folding (I folded until I had no more calendars to use and no more origami paper; my intent was to completely make it be a recycled paper project and only used what I had and didn't buy any more paper) I had a plethora of cranes (though, sadly, not a thousand as I didn't have enough old calendars for that). I bought some balsa wood dowels from the craft store back in February and used embroidery floss, a glue gun, and a teeny tiny saw from Dan's exacto knife set to create 12 different crane mobiles. Some are chandelier style, while others are more traditional mobiles. There are squares and triangles. I lurve them and plan to give them away to specific people after the wedding is over as a thank-you gift and reminder of a special day. And I'll reserve one to give away to the person who guesses closest to the number of cranes in attendance!

So I had to individually wrap these in tissue paper as I'd like the strings to remain as tangle-free as possible, and then I boxed 'em up.

We have to pack for being away from home for two weeks(ish), pack for possible rain and (hopefully) nice weather, and pack stuff that we can wear in Las Vegas, Yosemite, and some canyon area in Utah (places we plan to stop on the trip home). Plus food and music for the drive. Plus a whole bunch of stuff that I'm forgetting. Packing will pretty much be up to me (except Dan's clothes/shoes/etc.) because he's driving up to Casa DanRents this evening after class and trading cars with his mom. Thanks, Dan's Mom! It will be much easier for us to haul all this stuff out to California in a slightly larger vehicle than our Honda Civic. Hope Moxie treats you well!

Anyone who has opinions about cake or what I should wear to the afterparty, please continue to comment on the previous post!

Wednesday Wedding Day: The cake conundrum, and other details

Woohoo! It's ten days until the wedding and surprisingly almost everything is done. Looking at last week's list,

Print thankyou notes (Dan is still working on this, he's using a letter press and it takes a long time!)
Finish and print program - done! Dan's cutting them today (we're just doing half sheets)
Finish playlist for eating and dancing - We have an eating playlist and a dancing playlist, and we still need to do some ordering of the lists
Rent music equipment - No longer needed, thanks to Dan's awesome groomsman
Payment to caterer and photographer - paid the caterer today and the photog gets paid at the wedding
Final numbers to caterer - done! and the last person RSVP'd (FINALLY) so we will have 73 adults and 3 babies
Print escort cards, put stickers on them - doing this tomorrow at work
Finish ceremony - Done! All that's left is in the hands of our rockstar officiant
Packing list is pretty comprehensive - I'm starting the packing tonight so it doesn't all have to be done tomorrow.

So, now what I'm thinking about is what's happening in California. We'll get out there pretty late on Saturday I think, starting our drive on Friday afternoon, staying somewhere in BFE western Wyoming once we are too tired to keep driving, and getting up early to finish the drive on Saturday. Sunday we'll run some Bay Area errands. Monday I have a dress fitting, we'll get our marriage license and order the keg of Fat Tire from BevMo (bought the CA wine in CO, buying the CO beer in CA. Krazy). Tuesday I've got a hair trial in the morning and we're doing one last site visit with the caterer at noon, after which I don't know what we'll do - maybe get the cake figured out. Wednesday is still open (but at some point we have to make a big Costco run for afterparty food and breakfast-the-day-of food), Thursday we get the flowers we need, pick up the linens and go party our buns off in the city, and Friday we've just got a few little things like making all the bouquets, boutonniers, and corsages (me), setting up at the club, the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Then, on Saturday, we get married! Woohoo!

The big unknown remains the cake. Neither of us wanted to shell out umpteen dollars for a "wedding" cake (and I voted for tiramisu, myself, but was outvoted by someone who actually WANTS cake), so we have a couple of options. Option one: Get one 8-inch round cake for cutting from a bakery that we tasted at Christmas time (it was sooo yummy) and get a full sheet cake (will be plenty of cake for everyone) of the same kind. This option means there will be a lot of cake, but it will not all be displayed or at least not all pretty and fancy-like. It will be a LOT of cake - we'll likely have a good bit left over. We could also get a 1/4 sheet and 1/2 sheet of two different flavors. These cost about the same as getting one full sheet cake (economy of scale and all that). Option two: Get the round from the bakery, then buy additional round cakes of various flavors at at a grocery store or, as our caterer recommended, round cakes made by a bakery in SF sold at Costco. I like this idea - they can be set up all pretty on cake stands and that way people get a choice of cake flavor, but we don't know how much they cost and have never tasted them, so we'll have to try one out when we get to California. Option three is like option two, but we get fewer cake rounds and get some pies too.

So what should we do? Should we go with what we know and get the sheet cake plus one for cutting? Should we get the one for cutting and trust that people will be happier with a variety of cake flavors to choose from rather than thinking we're cheating them out of the same cake we're cutting? Should we include pie in the equasion, or will that mean we have to get ice cream, too? If you were a guest (and some of you will be there), would you rather eat the same cake the b&g cut in sheet cake form, or would you rather have a choice of cake (and/or pie)? We don't have much left in the budget, so unfortunately buying all rounds of what we plan to cut is out of the question - they're $35 each! I hope the rounds from Costco are less than that!

The other unknown is what flowers we'll end up with. We have two yards of flowers being offered to us, one of which may be tapped out by then (my mom planted a whole bunch of tulip and iris bulbs far later than she normally does hoping that it would delay the blooms, but apparently they've foiled her plans and have already begun their spring showoffs). The other yard has lots of calla lilies and some roses, I think. Plus there's the wholesale flower place, and I think all together we can end up with some cool stuff. But I'll have to make six boutonniers, five or six corsages, and five bouquets, plus have flowers for the tables. That's a lot of work! I am hoping people will offer to help (I don't want to ask or require anyone to do so, since I don't want to make my guests do anything) but I may end up biting the bullet and asking for help. That's a lot of flower wrangling!

Also, we're having an afterparty. Should I wear my wedding dress to eat gardenburgers and potato salad, or should I change into something else?

Ah, all these little last-minute insignificant details. But please, do weigh in on the cake question!

Literary Monday, Tuesday Edition: No, I have not forgotten how to read

For a few months there I was so caught up in other stuff that I kind of stopped reading for pleasure, other than re-reading things I'd already read for an escape. Do you ever do that? Re-read something you've read umpteen times before, just because it's familiar and comforting and something you won't have to work at? In February I re-read Ender's Game (my favoritest book ever) for about the 38th time, and re-read some Piers Anthony light fantasy. But this month, wedding stress is coming to an end and I've branched out from Safe in order to read some good, meaty stuff.

Well, the first thing was Anne of Green Gables. Yes, I've read it before, but not since I was about 9 years old. I'd found a used copy in a bookstore a few months ago but forgot about that and happened to be browsing my children's/YA bookshelf when I saw it and thought to myself, ooh! So I read it. Then I found the first sequel, Anne of Avonlea, last week in the same bookstore and read that too. Both were every bit as good as I'd remembered - perhaps even better, now that I'm reading from a more adult perspective - and I enjoyed every minute of my time on Prince Edward Island. And now I have much more incentive to acquire and read the others, since I never got past book 2 when I was nine (no interest in Anne Shirley after age 16, she was waaaay too old for me to be interested!) Now I am interested.

I also read The Namesake after picking it up in the bookstore last week. (To Leah: Now you have ME doing it! Nah-me-sah-ke!) I started it on Friday, my birthday day off, and finished it last night. It was really good, a little depressing, and entirely fascinating. Monkey writes a lot about what it means to be a 2nd generation desi (I hope it's OK for me to use that term) so reading this book made me think of the stories she has written about (and told me) and also make me think how interesting it is that different cultures deal with the clash between what it means to grow up in America versus what it means to be part of that mother-culture. Possibly the most well-known author writing similar stories of growing up 2nd generation in America is Amy Tan (Chinese), and I've read stories written by people of other cultures as well - Mexican, Irish, German, and others written by Indian-Americans.

I really enjoyed the basic underlying theme of the book encapsulated by the title, what our names mean and how who we are named for and under what circumstances might affect our lives in trivial or profound ways. As I've written about before, I'm a name buff, so I love reading about the ways in which people in other cultures go about naming people. Jewish people, I have learned, name babies after deceased relatives (but never living ones, and usually it's just a shared first initial rather than a fully shared name between the deceased and the new addition). Some people start out having a baby name and have an adult name later, and some people are given one name but are always called by a nickname. Despite being many-generations American, this was the case for my father's family, as he and his sisters were all called by nicknames, most unrelated to their actual names, into adulthood (and four of the five of them still are!)

The book I'm working on right now is The Year of Living Bibilically (from the library, I'm too cheap to buy it). I'm about 4 chapters in and really enjoying it, so I plan to review it once I'm finished. I've got a couple of other library books as well, so maybe next week in the middle of all the wedding craziness I'll write about them too!

My little toe and part of my spleen are Irish

Thanks for all the lovely birthday wishes, everybody. I ended up having a really good birthday. I went to breakfast, read some of a new book I bought (The Namesake), took my yoga class and felt really good afterward, ran some errands, and went out to dinner with Dan at a really nice restaurant to which we had a $50 gift certificate, so the meal was half the price (we ordered a bottle of wine).

The weekend felt sort of like an extended birthday celebration. I got to eat some things I almost never eat (like my favorite cheese, Irish Dubliner) and Dan made me a birthday cake last night (apple spice with penuche icing, SO YUMMY). We crossed almost everything left on our to-do-before-the-wedding list and just have a couple of things left. On more than one occasion, I found myself saying, "I should be working on something" but didn't know what that something might be. I wonder if that feeling will stick around for a while after all this wedding stuff is over.

Yesterday, as we walked back from the grocery store (tortilla chips for guac, apples, and split peas in hand) we had a little discussion about why it is that so many people with the ability to claim even a droplet of Irish or Italian blood say they are Irish (or Italian). I'm sure it has something to do with the historical issues in this country with being Irish or Italian (I mean, at one point, THEY were the ones people were prejudiced against). But if you're 5th generation Irish (or Italian), why aren't you just *American*? Why don't Americans feel like claiming that as their ancestry is good enough?

I know that my mother's maternal grandmother was 100% Irish (from Ireland, a Sheehan) and her grandfather was part Spanish and part something else. There's Irish on my dad's side, too, though I think not as easy to trace. If you add up all of the Irish in me from both sides it's probably about 20-25%. As far as I know, no Italian. Lots of German, some Swiss and some English and some Dutch. How I ended up looking as I do is somewhat of a mystery (the brown hair from the Spanish great-great grandmother, the olive skin that tans easily from the southern German on my dad's side), and I've had people ask me if I was Italian or Spanish or Israeli and one time someone thought I was Persian. But you know what? Even though I know a bit of the history of my blood and what countries the people who supplied my genetics, all those generations back, I don't consider myself anything but American. Even on St. Patrick's day. I am wearing green, but I'd likely do that anyway.

It could be something special just for me

Once upon a time, people had to be patient in order to get stuff. There was no such thing as overnight shipping, no internet, no ordering by phone. In the musical "The Music Man," there's a song about the Wells Fargo Wagon - the means by which people got stuff they ordered by mail through perhaps the Sears Roebuck or other catalogs, and you never knew when it might get there. When the wagon came, it might have your dishes or your raisins or your double boiler, or someone else's salmon from Seattle or a gray mackinaw. There was just no telling.

These days, we have the luxury of impatience. We have telephones and the internet, and we can buy sparkly things we see on TV, and if we act now we get a free gift. We have instant global communication and extremely fast transport of goods and services, all around the world, even to exceedingly remote places. Hell, you can get movies delivered to your house and you can watch them and send them back (for free) whenever you want. These days, it's unusual to have anything but bills and junk mail in a mailbox, as people tend to communicate through faster modes and nobody sits down to write a good, old-fashioned letter.

Recently, we had a bunch of non-junk, non-bill mail come through our box. Granted, they were postcards that we'd made, addressed, and stamped ourselves and all people had to do was send them off and write whether or not they intended to come to the wedding. Most people opted to RSVP online anyway. But for a few weeks there, the mailbox was truly exciting, something to look forward to every day rather than something to sift through and toss the contents in the recycling bin.

Yesterday was a red-letter day for our household. While Dan was home for an hour in the afternoon in between work and class, he received a package from FedEx, a package from UPS, and signed for a registered letter. UPS brought a wedding gift from a friend of ours who lives in town, and the registered letter had shocking contents I won't even go into. There was also an engagement ring in the mail, courtesty Dan's mom (I left it at Dan's parents house when we were up there this weekend). And best of all? Well, best of all was my new camera!

I've spent the last 20 minutes trying to upload the photo. It's not working. I'm getting rather hungry and am going out for breakfast *by myself* - have never done that before - so rather than wait another 20 minutes, let's all pretend there's a photo of me up there taking a photo in the mirror so you can see my new camera. Isn't she pretty? I'm so excited to finally have a camera again!

I also intend to go to my yoga class at noon and spend the rest of the day doing things I enjoy. Thanks for the advice, QIR.

Wednesday Wedding Day: Nitty Gritty

Looking at last week's post, here was my list of stuff to do before we leave:

Complete Huge Craft Project - done!
Printing thankyou notes
Design and print program - almost done, designed (mostly) but not printed
Finish playlist for eating and dancing - in progress
Rent music equipment
Rent kilts/etc. - done!
Send off checks to everyone who needs checks - some checks are done
Give final numbers to caterer
Figure out final seating arrangement - done!
Table name cards and stickers for escort cards - done!
Print escort cards - ready to print pending any more changes
Finish ceremony - in progress
Send email to photographer re: shots we want - done!
Finish zipper on the last dress and mail it off to QIR - done!
Make a list of everything we need to bring to CA - in progress and may be finished

Here's the update, in progress:
Print thankyou notes (Dan is doing this week)
Finish and print program
Finish playlist for eating and dancing - I think we are close, just need to play around with the song order some
Rent music equipment
Payment to caterer (due on the 19th) and photographer (due on wedding day)
Final numbers to caterer
Print escort cards, put stickers on them
Finish ceremony - I think we're pretty close, but not quite done
Packing list is pretty comprehensive but I'm going to go over it a few more times

We had one cancellation and one addition earlier this week, plus found out from some people we knew wouldn't be able to RSVP until the last minute that they are not able to attend. There is one person up in the air who will have to squish in to a table where he knows people if he comes. I sent him an email but haven't heard back yet. I've been holding off on printing the escort cards until we're pretty well sure that the attendee list is finalized.

There are a few little crafty things we're still working on, like holders for the table name cards, and some crafty things that will be done just before the wedding (like flowers). I made a hair appointment today with the lady who cut my hair when I was growing up, whose daughter went to preschool with me, and will go in for a trial hair run in the week before the wedding. It looks like we'll have an easy time finding a cheap hotel room in Vegas for the middle of the week coming back from California. And I found a place to have some girly pampering done that takes the gift certificate my sister gave me for giftmas (spafinder). Now, is the leg wax price for two legs or one? Can anybody tell me?

Also, what should I do for my day-off birthday on Friday?

Back in the swing of things

--I attended a vinyasa yoga class for the first time in three weeks today. It felt great, even though I'm not capable of doing some of the binding poses (my arms/shoulders just don't bend the right ways). I felt so good after the class, and I really hope that my neck/shoulder stay happy rather than pissed off.

--My new camera should be here in a couple of days, woohoo! I am so excited to be able to take photos again! I have desperately missed having a camera for the past few months and I purposely waited to box up some wedding-related stuff so I could snap it before it gets packed for our drive to California.

--My skin is looking better, though it's still not great. I haven't noticed any new bad spots in a couple of days, so I'm really hoping it clears all the way up and the antibiotics will have been worth the digestion-related side effects. I would be eating yogurt, but I'm not willing to pay a dollar apiece for LESS YOGURT. I am seriously annoyed that nobody is selling 8 ounces of yogurt in a container anymore. Anyone else notice that? Every yogurt company has switched to 6 ounce containers and they're the same price as the old 8 ounce ones. Seriously, yogurt companies, you suck. I know, I know, I should be buying yogurt in the large containers, but I don't have a good way to bring 8 ounces of it at a time to work for lunch.

--I LOVE the spring time change. It makes me happier than just about anything else this time of year, to have that extra hour of light in the evening and feeling that the days are getting longer and longer. Colorado is just starting to squeak into spring (the air has changed from super dry to somewhat less dry) and I can't wait to see some flowers and some green after all these months of dead, brown, and gray. I wish we stayed on Daylight Saving Time all year, because nothing depresses me more than the fall time change. If I ruled the world, that's how it would go.

--The headache I had last night did not turn into a migraine, thankfully.

--I think I'm going to call in well on Friday (my birthday). What should I do that day instead of sit in my dark basement cube?

We should have done this years ago

Quickly:

Our kitchen is full of boxes, packing material, new dishes, new kitchen gadgets, new glassware, a new microwave, and a new George Foreman Grill (our dinner last night, grilled jerk tilapia, grilled zucchini and mushrooms, and homefries? SO GOOD).

Petra's room is full of boxes, packing material, wedding stuff, and all kinds of new camping equipment. We had to go to REI yesterday to pick up a few gifts that were sent to Denver and they were all suspicious about us so they had to call the people who ordered the things. Weird!

I will take photographic evidence tonight and show the world tomorrow why it is that I am afraid we will have to rearrange our entire house in order to fit everything in. And we've still got a few weeks to go. Woo!

A bout of randomness

1. BM dress #4 was finished last night. Hooray!

2. It is Oldest Friend's birthday today. She is 29, which makes me go EEP because that means I turn 29 one week from today. And I haven't even thought about what I might like to do for my birthday, because all I ever think about anymore is wedding crap.

3. Except last night, when we went over to our friend Julie's new place (she moved in with her boyfriend!) and had Game Night, meaning everyone except me played with a wii and some other game system and I visited with people and finally got to see the necklace Julie made me for the wedding with green pearls I bought in China back in November of 2005. It was nice to have an evening where I hardly thought about wedding at all.

4. I am really annoyed at my skin. Like, really really annoyed. I hope this doxycycline stuff works soon, because my skin looks the worst it's been in about 3 years right now. Good thing I have makeup I can cake on if I need to!

5. I wrote out 18 thankyou notes today for the work shower gifts. When it comes time to write our wedding thankyou notes, I am NOT writing them all myself.

6. Fridays are the best days. I hope it's nice this weekend.

7. Petra has taken to sitting in a small cardboard boxtop that has some weird poky cutout bits (one of the shower gifts was a glass creamer/sugar bowl that were stuck in this thing). I don't know why she likes it so much. You'd think the cardboard poky bits would be uncomfortable, but she can't be dissuaded.

Wednesday Wedding Day: Almost finished!

This weekend and the last few days:

Finished bridesmaid dress #3 and started #4
Finished a bunch of Huge Craft Project (I can't wait to get my new camera so I can take pictures)
Cut down one of our readings to manageable size, then sent it and the other two to our readers for their perusal pre-wedding
Worked on the ceremony, still not finished
Got RSVP from the last people we were waiting on (my flaky uncle and his SO, who are coming, yay!)
Found a possible source of lemons (for lemonade) and flowers
Started to get really excited
Had work shower, received thoroughly unexpected large check from one coworker (and some other stuff, too. Also, I got to eat carrot cake which is one of my favorites and something I almost never get to eat because Dan doesn't like desserts featuring cream cheese, so if I made a carrot cake I would have to eat it all myself.)
Called wholesale flower place to find out what flowers will be available, in case my mom's yard and our other hookup don't pan out
Mailed off 3 finished bridesmaid dresses and worked on #4, which is giving me fits. I'm all finished except the stupid zipper.


So what's left to do before we leave for CA?
Complete Huge Craft Project (one more piece!)
Printing thankyou notes (Dan is doing this at school)
Design and print program (Dan again)
Finish playlist for eating and dancing
Rent music equipment
Rent kilts/etc.
Send off checks to everyone who needs checks
Give final numbers to caterer
Figure out final seating arrangement (we're doing escort cards and assigned tables but not assigned seats to minimize family awkwardness)
Table name cards and stickers for escort cards (Dan again)
Print escort cards
Finish ceremony
Send email to photographer re: shots we want (formals)
Finish zipper on the last dress and mail it off to QIR
Make a list of everything we need to bring to CA (our car is going to be stuffed to the gills!)

Also, I had a dermatologist appointment today that I'd made weeks ago for what I thought was a skin infection on my face that I had for months. It cleared up when I took the antibiotics for my sinus/ear infections (so I think I'm right about what it was) but then as I mentioned, a couple of weeks ago I ended up breaking out in hives on my face that spread all over, and they've gotten a little better but not much. I've switched shampoo, body wash, face wash, moisturizer, lotion, changed the sheets on the bed, analyzed my diet to determine whether I've started eating anything new or too much of any one thing, and taken Benadryl at night (can't take it during the day because it makes me sleepy). Still hivey. My insurance is through Kaiser, which notoriously makes you wait weeks and weeks for appointments, so my dermatologist appointment was made in January. I opted to keep the appointment and pay the stupid $50 fee, and left with a prescription for doxycycline (the derm thinks it's stress-induced weird acne and not hives, even though they itch and benadryl seems to help). Oh well, at least it will keep any other stress-induced zits away.

And what will we be doing in CA for the week before the wedding?

Getting the marriage license
Getting our cake(s) (and possibly pies)
Picking, buying, and arranging flowers
Making a huge costco run for afterparty supplies
Find a pin or brooch for the front of my dress - I've exhausted Denver's possibilities and so I hope to find one at a sparkly store in SF
Final dress fitting
Possibly purchasing longline strapless bra to minimize appearance of belly button (you can see it through my dress!)
Finding sari fabric to make myself a shrug (possibly)
Enjoying a night of debauchery in the city (seperately)

And, I'm sure, a million other things that I am forgetting. But it'll all get done. I'm feeling very zen at the moment; the stress of a few weeks ago is slowly ebbing. All things considered, we're in great shape (both literally and figuratively) - I mean, the people who got married last fall whose wedding we were in didn't even find a caterer until 3 weeks before their wedding, so I'm feeling pretty good about where we stand.

All good things...

I've grown increasingly sad over the past few weeks, because so many of the blogs I read are shutting down. I know that real life takes prescidence over Internet Life, but the selfish part of me wants to keep reading these fantastic writers, wants to learn more about their lives, read their stories, and be able to tell Dan, oh, this person is doing this now.

Also, this weekend Dan did something that I am at once extremely proud of and at the same time a little apprehensive about. He got contacts for the first time ever. It was something he wanted to do for a long time, but started to think more about it recently and decided he wanted to go through with it before the wedding because he wants to be glasses-free for wedding photos. He has a lifelong squeamishness toward eyeball touching which kept him from getting contacts in the past, but I guess his desire for change overcame his eyeball touching phobia.

We went to the Chain Glasses Store in the racetrack mall on Sunday and he had his eye exam, picked out his new frames (he's still going to be wearing glasses sometimes), and then got a long and frequently-interrupted lesson about how to insert contacts. His frustration was palpable after a while, because he was trying really hard and his eye just wouldn't cooperate, but he got the first one in eventually and then got the second one in right away. I tried to coach him but I've never worn corrective lenses of any kind so I couldn't give much in the way of guidance. I do wonder whether women who wear makeup have an easier time of learning the whole inserting-contacts process because we are less likely to cringe when things come at our eyeballs (you can't really cringe if you want your eyeliner/mascara to go on right). Men don't wear makeup, though (at least Dan doesn't) and I wonder whether his apprehension about eye touching stems in part from never getting used to it with the mascara wand (he does the open-mouth thing that most women do when putting on mascara when he's trying to put in a contact; I wonder why we all do that?)

On the one hand, I think it's fabulous, because it will free him up to do things like run outside in the cold without having to worry about fogged glasses or being unable to see anything, take photos without having to navigate his glasses around the viewfinder, etc. And he can buy cheap sunglasses now. On the other hand, the only time I have ever seen him without glasses has been in the shower or in bed, times of intimacy even if all we're doing is sleeping. Dan's face-without-glasses is something that only I've gotten to see in years, something that a part of me feels is a special thing just for me, but when we left the glasses place on Sunday everybody in the mall got to see it. Also, I really like the way he looks in glasses (not that I don't like the way he looks without) and I find glasses to be a really attractive thing, something to help distinguish a face from other faces.

As we drove home, he marveled at how free he felt, seeing the world in sharp clarity with nothing sitting on his face, driving for the first time in his life without glasses. He was grinning from ear to ear, heady with the pleasure of unencumberance. I know it's a good thing and something he's really happy about, something he's been thinking about for a long time. But a small part of me will miss being the only one who gets to see him with nothing on his face, and miss the frames around his eyes on the days he'll spend in contacts. I'm sure I'll get over it eventually.